Sex.co.nz

(I’m putting this in relationship advice because there are still a lot of women who can’t speak up. So boys you have a read too.)

You might be a corporate high flyer, a career woman, a stay at home mum relaxed in her own skin or a self confident, self assured single woman in charge of her own destiny but there is one thing we all have in common, from the age of dot we are educated in the fine art of coddling the man’s ego.

We are taught, wittingly or not, that the man’s ego is fragile and that despite what we might think, want or even not want we do not speak it for fear of wounding that fragile ego.

I hear shrieks of disagreement but bear with me.

But seriously think about your own situation. How many times have you not spoken up, how many times have you put up with what you’ve got. We know we should have gotten over this already, it’s 2011 for goodness sake, but somehow the pattern is being perpetuated.

Women know they should be speaking up about what they want, how they want it and when and there are a host of books, TV shows, quasi therapists and, and, and telling us that we have control, we have power. BS! We have generations of stuff to unlearn.

Now, there is no doubt that there is a growing number of women out there who do have control, do have power but they are in the minority and I personally don’t believe ‘having the power’ is such a great thing anyway. Shouldn’t we share.

We’re not advocating taking on the entire male gender and telling them that they are failing us, we’re not talking about emasculating the lot of them, we’re advocating speaking up in a constructive way, because berating your partner is not going to get either of you very far, but burying your thoughts and feelings is lying to the most important person in the equation – YOU!

A few points to consider:

1 Our bodies become hyper sensitive when aroused so no harm in encouraging your partner to go gently. The clitoris is not a crossing button. For the majority of women nipple twisting is not only painful, it’s a huge turn off, finger banging is, quite frankly, POINTLESS and often painful.

2. Women, generally speaking, know when their men are using the techniques they’ve learned from the porn DVD …good for the camera, not so good for the bedroom.

3. The Marathon Man – Endurance is grossly overrated. The vagina has a limited capacity to keep itself lubricated so while we want our partners to hang around long enough for us to orgasm, most women report 10 to 15 minutes is good, marathon sex is likely to become more drudgery than joy. Some men connect endurance with masculinity – WRONG! Ladies, here is where you can seriously stomp on a man’s ego so speak up but choose your words caringly. THe same way you would have him critque you.

4. Most women know what it takes to get them to orgasm. Is it a secret? No, then share it. The major part of the message here it care, share and be considerate of each others feelings but for goodness sake stop putting up with what you don’t like just to prevent an ego getting bruised. Bruises heal rather quickly and if not…well maybe it’s time for a rethink.

Perpetuate sharing great sex, not putting up and shutting up.