Sex.co.nz

If there’s one thing that raises hackles, it’s the topic of infidelity.

Roughly 1 in 4 men and 1 in 6 women have cheated at some point in their lives, according to a 2007 survey by MSNBC.com/iVillage.

But 3 out of 4 of us morally condemn cheating under ANY circumstances.

The only excuse that could possible justify cheating – at least, for 1 in 4 men and 1 in 10 women – is if you’re not getting any sex in your current relationship.

Clearly, cheating isn’t something to be taken lightly.  If one of the parties in a relationship has an affair, that relationship has a 50% chance of ending.  Even those relationships that survive must work through a witch’s brew of toxic emotions, like betrayal, anger, and distrust.

So why do so many people still cheat?

Sexy Temptations

For men, the challenge of sexual monogamy is a biggie.  Every single couple out there finds it difficult to keep an active, exciting, satisfying sex life going for years on end.  But the media doesn’t help matters, bombarding us with sex from the moment we turn on the TV or open a magazine.  In the media’s eyes, hot twenty-something singles in skimpy outfits are sexy; being a family is not.  Most guys get the message: if you’re not getting great sex, blame it on your partner and go get a new one.

Getting a new partner is easy, because women fall head over heels for married men.  Married guys are attractive in a way that single guys aren’t, because their wedding ring proves that they’re desirable enough for someone to commit to them for life.  Today, thanks to the sexual revolution, it’s easier than ever for men to attract women for no-strings-attached sex.

For a skin-crawling glimpse into the mind of a mistress, check out TheFrisky.com, and make sure to scroll down and check out the comments.  It’s easy to condemn women who sleep with other men’s husbands, but it’s takes guts to admit that every single woman out there could be that “other woman,” if she happened to fall in love with the wrong man.

Is Monogamy Realistic?

Neil Strauss, author of The Game: The Secret Society of Pickup Artists, believes that sexual monogamy is an impossible dream for many men.  He believes men are genetically programmed to “spread their seed” and have sex with as many women as possible, a belief bolstered by modern research in the field of evolutionary anthropology.

Perhaps the question, then, is not, “Why do so many people cheat?” but rather, “How does anyone manage to stay monogamous?”

Evolutionary anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher attempts to tackle that question in her book Anatomy of Love: The Natural History of Mating, Marriage and Why We Stray.  She concludes that humans have a powerful urge to mate with one person and remain monogamous … until four years are up.  After that time, she argues, couples have a naturally tendency to split up and find new partners.  “Serial monogamy,” she calls it, and, from a glance at modern marital trends, she might just be right.

What's Your Stand on Cheating?

So the next time you think about cheating, maybe you’d better pick up Dr. Fisher’s book.  She’ll make you feel better by proving that the urge to cheat is as old as the human species, but she’ll also make you wonder whether or not you should hold the moral high ground and end your relationship before wrecking your reputation with an affair.

Either way, the question of infidelity is one that isn’t going to go away.  As long as you’re human, you’re stuck with the problem of cheating.  You may be firmly against it but find yourself tempted anyway.  As Howard Markman, professor of psychology at the University of Denver tells MSNBC.com, “This is an area where our behavior doesn’t fit our attitudes in a very large way.”