Sex.co.nz

What a boy wants: The idea of indulging in an off-limits sex act brings with it a lot of excitement. If it's thought to be naughty and forbidden, you can bet it  will also be a turn-on — which is part of the reason your man might love  the idea so much. "The thrill of breaking a taboo can take us back to  those heady days of discovering sex for the first time," says Dr  Morrissey.

"It's dirty and exciting for a lot of couples." Men also cite a different physical sensation as one of the reasons  they're drawn to anal play. "The external sphincter is very tight," adds  Dr Morrissey. "Some men would argue that it gives more pleasure than  the vagina. Also, from what I understand, it feels different from the  vaginal canal — not just tight, but smooth, offering them a new  sensation."

Hurts so good? From the female perspective, however, the physical sensation can be  quite different — and painful! In fact, talk to most women about their  anal sex experiences and the word 'ouch' comes up a lot.

The reason?  "Most people have a fairly potent muscle-contraction reaction in this  area, to stop faecal matter escaping," says Dr Angela Cooney, medical  consultant for Family Planning. "When you insert something into the  sphincter, the muscle clamps down, making it a no-go area. You have to  consciously relax to overcome that, and it can be difficult."

The solution is to lubricate the area and take it very slowly. The  anus doesn't have a lot of natural moisture, so it's vital to use a  good-quality, water-based lube. "Particularly the first time, insertion  should be taken a centimetre at a time," says Dr Morrissey. "Add lube to  every centimetre if necessary with Pjur Back Door Glide, especial.ly formulated for anal sex.

You might find you need to practise  breathing exercises — breathing out as he inserts a little further and talk it through as you go."

The hygiene factor: For many couples, the pain isn't the biggest barrier that prevents them  from experimenting with anal sex. It's, well — not to put too fine a  point on it — poo.

When you're poking around in an area that's usually  reserved for waste disposal, what are the chances of things getting  messy? According to Dr Cooney, not much — particularly if you're  prepared. "The rectum is not a storage area for faeces; it's usually  empty," she explains. "Still, if you know you have a session coming up,  you might want to make sure of it.

"This is not to suggest that you resort to laxatives in the lead-up to  bedtime (though enemas are apparently quite popular among anal  aficionados), just ensure that you have enough fibre in your diet to  stay regular. "Faecal matter might be an issue if you're constipated or  suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome," says Dr Cooney. "But most people  won't encounter anything untoward." Nonetheless, good hygiene is vital when practicing anal eroticism.

"If you're going to be doing anything that involves the anus, have a  wash first," Dr Cooney suggests. "And never ever have vaginal sex after  anal sex without changing condoms."

But is it dangerous? With all this discussion about insertion, pain and messing with delicate ecosystems, you might be wondering whether anal experimentation can  lead to any long-term health consequences.

"Bottoms are not as robust as  the vagina," says Dr Cooney. "Small tears and bleeding are more of an  issue for penetrative sex in this area — and it's easier to transfer  infections this way." If you're in pain the day after anal sex, a cool water wash might help. If you decide to make anal sex part of your regular bedtime menu,  there's one other thing to be aware of.

"In some people — particularly  if they're regularly playing with overly large toys — the sphincter  muscles can become loose, which may lead to anal incontinence, loss of  control and leakage," warns Dr Morrissey. "But we are talking about  decades to get to this point." Basically, according to Dr Cooney,  long-term problems are unlikely if you're "inserting something as  relatively small as a penis".