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Growing Up In A Brothel - Part 2
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The facinating story of a woman who grew up in a brothel - Part 2.  We moved out when I was 17, when the owner of the house decided to sell, but my upbringing influenced everything I did.

I had seen how you could end up so low in the class system. My way out was education, so I was the first person in my family to get a degree. I developed a fear and lack of respect for men — it only seemed to end in sex, which I thought was perverse. When, at 19, I had my first boyfriend, I was frigid and nervous.

I’m 41 now, married with three children — a son, aged 11, a daughter, aged 5, and a 19-year-old stepson — and I’m trying to reverse those influences. My husband and I are completely open with each other. I found a kindred spirit — his childhood was worse than mine. But initially he had a very different impression of me. He tells me I used to behave like an airhead — that was my defence to keep men at a distance.

I never confronted my mother, but in my early twenties it came out organically and that was hugely cathartic. Now we’re adults, she’s totally open. To open up these secrets felt like a great burden had been lifted. It led to a change in our relationship, where she recognised me as an adult. But she wasn’t embarrassed about having lied. She endured Franco’s dictatorship as a child, where covering up the truth was important. Having left London for a clean start, I didn’t have to tell my close friends about my life — it was upsetting and it made me feel weak.

Then, six years ago, my sister moved to my area. She is much more open; she has a London accent and, when you meet her, it’s clear we don’t come from a conventional middle-class family. I felt terror about her arrival. I was going to have to rewrite myself completely. I was forced to become more honest. I had spent a long time adapting my story so people would like me, but I had to accept some people won’t like me for not being a posh intellectual. I feel lighter now; the truth has given me back the ability to enjoy life. Lying was always on my conscience, I always felt fraudulent. I finally feel what I imagine normal people feel like. I’m happy with who I am now. In fact, I feel I’ve done very well, considering.